Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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