I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
