i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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