i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
