Sponge bath it is.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
