i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
