I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
