I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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