The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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