Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
