she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
