everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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