dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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