You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
