So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
