I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
