P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
