She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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