what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't deserve a penis
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
