I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
