I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
