Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
