Michael Bay diarrhea
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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