i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
