I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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