my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
