hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
