i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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