He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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