I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
