My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
