would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
