the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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