You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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