dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
