youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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