so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
