We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
