Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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