i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
