The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I did not marry a roomba.
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