Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
