I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
