batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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