smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
