The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
