i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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