the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
