Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
