Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
