Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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