I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
