Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
