I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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