I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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