I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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