onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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