Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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