My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My life is pants optional.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
