Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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