If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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