Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
