I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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