I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
