You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
