Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
