I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
