Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
